Nov 18, 2010

I don't want to die

In the past, I have a goal. That goal is: "I don't want to die as a nobody."
Today, I altered that goal. That goal became: "I cannot die as a nobody."

What happen if I die today? I don't want to die as a virgin. I don't want to die now. Why now? Why not 5 years ago. Why not 10 years later. Why torture me before death. I am not satisfied with my life now. I haven achieved anything. Will I achieve something? I want to be somebody. I don't want to die today, tommorow, or anytime before I become somebody.

What will happen after I die? Will there be afterlife? If there is, will I become somebody? Or will I be some random useless life. What if there is no afterlife? Then I will be alone, I will not feel anything, see anything, hear anything and remember anything. That sounds good, but what will the people around me do? My brother? My parents? My friends? Or will I just fade away...

Who will attend my funeral when I die? Who will cry? Who will rejoice? Who will remember me for life? I don't want to die, not now.
God9:36 PM

--- Thinkin' back ---